Move along please!

The one phrase that annoys me more than anything is when people tell me to ‘move on’ I actually don’t know what people want me to do when they say that to me. It’s funny that it is only mentioned when I talk about my last boyfriend, nobody tells me to move on when I talk about my ex fiancé or any other of my ex boyfriends but if I dare to mention my last boyfriend(who I work with by the way) those dreaded words are uttered.

It has got me thinking what the words mean, to me you have moved on if you have accepted the break up and are living your life again. How can you do this without mentioning the said ex boyfriend/girlfriend? Surely it would be stranger never to mention their name again? When you have a relationship with someone you create memories, you do things, go places together, if a relevant experience has come up in conversation am I to not mention it or substitute a name because if I utter his name I have not ‘moved on’?

I am not the sort of person that jumps from one relationship to the next, I can go for years without  being in a relationship, this does not mean I am not over the last one, I just haven’t found the next one. When a relationship ends it hurts and you need time for the wounds to heal but why do you have to prove to everyone else that you’re ok? Some people stay friends with ex’s does that mean that they haven’t ‘moved on’? In my experience you will always harbour feelings for a past boyfriend or girlfriend but this does not mean you want them back, you shared a time of your life together you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about looking back at the good times fondly.

So what do people want to see when they want you to move on? Do you date anyone you can just to show you’re over the last relationship? Do you never speak of them again? How long does it take to truly get over someone you loved? If you had a friend whose wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend died would people be telling them to move on? No, there would be patience and understanding and support but when you break up with someone the first thing people want you to do is find someone else.

In my opinion love isn’t as clean cut as that, yes try not to wallow in self pity and hide away from the world but sometimes talking about it and working through it is healthy and helps the healing process. The last thing anyone needs is to be pressured into feeling that they cannot mention any memories, good times or bad times just because someone else doesn’t want to listen. Memories are precious and should be cherished and you have to remember in order to learn from your experiences. You can get over break ups in your own time, you can’t work to someone else’s timetable, it can take weeks, months, years but you will get there and when you can smile and mean it in my book you have ‘moved on’.